Thursday, June 29, 2017

The Relationship Timeline

 

All relationships hit landmarks in which you have to choose what you really want.

The Relationship Timeline

 

I’ve found that most relationships (before marriage, at least) fall into the 4-6 months and done category, or the 1-3 years and done category. That got me thinking about how there is a pretty definite trend when it comes to the timeline of a relationship, which will make it pretty clear that you shouldn’t pull a Kim Kardashian and get married to someone you’ve been dating less than a year.

The Honeymoon Stage (0-5ish months): This is the stage where you make everyone around you want to puke. You’re totally enamored and haven’t found anything that you could possibly dislike about the person. You’re texting all the time, trying to show the person how witty you are, and doing all sorts of fun things together (which includes a whole lot of making out, to the chagrin of your friends who have to hang out with you and the new significant other). But it’s all totally fine because you’re unbelievably happy.

It’s kind of like the laptop I bought a few years ago. At first, I was in love. I thought it was the best laptop money could buy, and it even looked pretty. Then, I realized it wasn’t perfect. It started freezing, crashing and being slow. The new gadgets that came with it started to bore me. I realized it was a terrible laptop once the novelty of the new laptop had worn off. Too bad I couldn’t break up with it like you can when that happens in a relationship.

In other words, most problems arise later in the relationship, not during the Honeymoon phase. That’s why you need to date a person for several months (or even sometimes years) before doing anything majorly serious, such as moving in together or getting engaged.

The First Fight (6ish months): You start to figure out that the person you’re with isn’t perfect because you’ve taken the time to get to know him or her sufficiently. Maybe a pattern that you only found mildly annoying in the beginning is finally starting to really bother you, like the fact that your guy sometimes ditches you for his friends or your girl isn’t very friendly to the other people in your life. Also, the mystery and freshness starts to dissipate, so neither person is on their best behavior. You might see your girlfriend without makeup more frequently and your boyfriend might stop cleaning up his room and leave disgusting socks everywhere.

Relationships in which one person isn’t into it as much as the other or that were superficial in the first place usually don’t make it past this point. If they do, someone is just being lazy and not doing the dirty work. If you’re not in love, you should probably end it at this point.

Getting some tips on how to take it to the next level and build a happy and healthy relationship is probably a good idea at this point.

The “Where is this Going?” Stage (6 months to 1 year): This is when both people really start thinking about whether they see a future. Women, especially, start thinking about where the man is going in life. Is he ambitious or lazy? Would he make a good father someday? Men, more likely, start wondering if they’re really in love, if they can do better, and how much they’re willing to give up to be in this thing for the long haul.

The Make it or Break it Stage (1 to 3 years): At this stage, all the doubts and concerns you have about your significant other come to a head and usually bring about some kind of fight and/or major discussion about the relationship. If you make it, things get more serious and you think seriously about marriage. You also start including the person in all your future plans. If you break it, it hurts really bad because more than likely, you really love the person by this point and a break-up can cause feelings of despondency, confusion, pain, disenchantment and defeat. Ouch.

Those relationships in which you choose to accept the person are the ones that survive. The others at that point fail because the person you’re with isn’t meeting a core need of yours. All I can say is that it sucks that it has to take that long to figure things out when you’re in love because after 1 to 3 years, you’ve most likely already invested a whole lot in the relationship. But that’s love, and let’s hope it’s worth it!

The “We’ve Been Together, Like, Forever” Stage (3+ years): If you make it past the Make it or Break it stage, this is the next snag most couples hit. You’ve been together a long time and you start to get lazy. The sex might get a little mundane, you might do the same thing every night, you might not take the time to address each other’s concerns because you know each other so well. This is when you really have to start putting tons of effort in to keep it fresh. Stop coasting and bring it back to the Honeymoon Stage by doing things you did in the beginning of the relationship (using this guide can help–remember, pretend you just started dating).

Man, isn’t love just grand? It can be a complicated mess. But it’s what makes life worth living, so cheers.

Get the secrets to building a long, happy, healthy, loving relationship. There’s definitely a right way to go about love.

 

July 11, 2012 by  
Filed under Love Relationship Advice

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