Thursday, June 29, 2017

Your Best Friend’s Guy/Girl

Getting feelings for someone who is off limits, such as your best friend's significant other or your ex's best friend, sucks. But there are ways to get over it without betraying anyone you care about.

What do you do if you start getting feelings for the person your friend is dating/has dated at some point, or your ex’s best friend, or someone who’s obviously off limits?

First of all, don’t beat yourself up. You can’t control your feelings, but you can control your actions.

I ran into this situation a few years ago when I started becoming good friends with my ex’s best friend. And by good friends, I mean it was a total flirtationship, and totally off limits. I started developing really strong feelings for him, which was odd to me because I had never even thought of crushing on him while I was with my ex. Actually, I had the easier position in the flirtationship because my ex was his friend, while I felt absolutely no loyalty to my old flame (who was a total d-bag).

The only thing you can do when you like someone who is off limits is to stop hanging out with him or her. If the person is in a relationship with your friend, you also need to distance yourself from the friend for a while. You won’t get over your feelings if you keep hanging out with the person you like.

I understand that it’s not always that easy, especially if the person you like is dating your best friend or the person you like is a close friend of yours. The person would notice if you suddenly dropped off the map and started avoiding him or her. If you can, try to make excuses like you’re super busy with whatever you’re working on, you’ve been hanging out with work or other friends, you’ve been trying to save money, you’ve been wanting some time to yourself, etc. Anything. If that doesn’t work, then you have no choice but to be forthcoming with your feelings and admit what’s going on. Your friend(s) will probably be weirded out, but they will appreciate immensely the fact that you’re not trying to sabotage them.

The other thing you need to do is to give yourself a pep talk. Think about the situation realistically: Would it ever really work? No. That’s how I finally resolved my feelings with my ex’s best friend. I realized there’s no way we’d ever actually be a couple and it just got boring. It’s no fun chasing something you know you’ll never catch.

That mindset will allow you to move on. You’ll eventually start crushing on someone you don’t have to keep a secret. With any luck, that person is even hotter and cooler than that off-limits person you liked.

And remember, ladies…

According to Men’s Health Magazine, 44% of Men Will Actually Break Up with Their Lovers if She Isn’t Good at This…

July 13, 2012 by  
Filed under Love Relationship Advice, Relationship Guides

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