Letting go can be liberating and allows you to clear your mind.

A lot of the things we talk about on Recoveryourlove.com center around getting your ex back. Tony’s book about getting your ex back is essentially a full-proof plan. Follow it and you’re golden. The trick is actually following it and being in the right mindset to do so.

Once in a while, I come to an epiphany, a big “A-HA!” moment. This happened today. Getting over my last serious relationship has been… well, not fun. I initially let him go, but couldn’t really let him go. I tried rebounding (rookie mistake), I tried being his friend, and then I went into full blown “Operation: Win Him Back” mode.

However, sometimes working out the relationship and getting back together right away just isn’t the best option. If you don’t take the time you need to heal and get yourself back on track, the same problems could arise in the relationship. Think about it. Was your relationship really everything you wanted? Or were there things in the relationship that worried you while you were with the person? Feeling loss and heartbreak can make you forget some of those things.

Sometimes, you need to let yourself heal first. And the only way to heal is to let go and accept that it’s over–for now. The problem is that letting go is monumentally easier said than done. You think that if you let go of the relationship, it’s over. You think that if the two of you don’t work it out soon, he/she will find someone else. Dwelling on those “what if” scenarios won’t help, and even if it’s over and he/she finds someone else, that doesn’t necessarily close the door for the two of you in the future.

The key to letting go of someone is to face your fear head on. Ask yourself why you are afraid to let go. When you’re able to admit it to yourself, admit it to your favorite confidant. Then, remind yourself that there’s no way of knowing the future (and if you do know how, please enlighten the rest of us), and you may be able to rekindle things in several months, or even years.

Sometimes a little bit of anger helps. I’m not talking key-his-car or call-her-a-bitch angry, but break-ups often feel like somewhat of a betrayal, even if blatant betrayal such as lying or cheating wasn’t the culprit of the break-up. Use that anger and frustration as fuel for letting go by reminding yourself that you deserve better.

It might take awhile to let go, but you’ll get there. You’ll wake up one day and realize that whatever happens, it will be OK. That mindset will allow you to think clearly and figure out what you really want.

In the words of the wise and wonderful Tom Petty: “It’s time to move on, it’s time to get going. What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing. But under my feet, baby, grass is growing. It’s time to move on, it’s time to get going.”

Still can’t let go or has time passed and you still want your ex back?

If you are ready to dive back into things head first, the “Getting Your Ex Back Roadmap” will guide you.

It can be frustrating trying to figure out if someone is interested in you or just in the movie that they asked you to go to. Learn to flirt like a pro so you're not sending mixed signals - click the photo.

Invitations can be confusing. Have you ever been asked to lunch, to a movie, or out somewhere in such a way that you can’t discern the person’s intentions? I think we’ve all been there at one point or another. Me, quite recently.

My organization is hosting a fundraiser this weekend, and I used the almighty powers of social media to invite some people I know. I got an email from a guy I’m acquainted with saying thank you for the invite, but he was going to be out of town. I returned a snarky remark like, “Oh, conveniently out of town again?” (he was also out of town for our last fundraiser). He responded, “I’ve been wanting to hang out with you for a while, so believe me, if I could be there, I would. Can we meet for happy hour next week?”

OK, let me give you some background. This guy is extremely friendly, and I met him through a young professionals group I’m involved in. He has never flirted with me or shown interest, so this caught me off guard.

Normally, I’d be kind of psyched by this. The guy is smart, successful, and not too shabby looking. However, my current relationship status is pretty complicated and I am no more interested in a new crush as I would be in diving into a shark tank. I recently ended a serious relationship, and even more recently ended a rebound relationship. It’s definitely me o’clock. Disclaimer: I’m not a soul-less man eater… really.

So the question is: How do you figure out if a person is into you or is just looking for a new friend? This is a situation you probably want to decode regardless of whether you’re interested in the person.

First off, you need to say yes–even if you’re not interested. You’d be amazed at how much just saying “yes” to more things can change your life for the better.

Then, observe. My new friend happened to be pretty easy going, but he sprinkled in a few flirty remarks here and there. Besides words, you need to observe actions. How often does he/she touch you? A hand on the shoulder here or a playful arm graze there is usually a telltale sign that someone is interested in you beyond friendship. My friend was somewhat touchy, but it was subtle. He said, “Let’s do this again sometime soon,” but he left it open-ended. Usually when someone is into you, he/she will be more specific about seeing you again. He followed up the happy hour with a text thanking me for coming with him, but that doesn’t necessarily mean much. He could just be polite.

The results of my social experiment are still pretty inconclusive, and that’s normal. Don’t feel like you need to figure out if the guy/girl likes you straight out of the gate, even if you’re feeling it and want to see where it goes romantically. If you are interested, put yourself out there! You owe it to yourself to figure out if the other person is into you, too. Be sly, though. Send flirty texts here and there or invite the person out again, but don’t be too upfront about how you feel.

If you’re not feeling it and you think maybe your new friend is, don’t fret. If you don’t give him/her something to work with that shows you’re interested, that person will get the hint (we hope). And who knows, maybe you’ll have a blossoming new friendship, which can be just as great!

Not sure how to show someone you’re interested?

"Text me later if you want to... you know..."

It’s what all non-relationship-seeking people want to hear: “I’m not looking for anything serious, either.” Traditionally, we think of men as the ones who don’t want a relationship, the ones who resist the so-called label. But recently, this casual, non committal attitude has become a female phenomenon. We’ve seen movies about it, like “500 Days of Summer,” “No Strings Attached,” and “Friends With Benefits” (don’t the last two have pretty much the same plot, by the way?), and more and more, real women are putting the brakes on the relationship. But can women really put all emotions on the back burner and keep it casual? Can men, for that matter?

Let’s explore the plot of “500 Days of Summer” for a minute. Boy meets girl. Boy obsesses over girl. Boy finally admits he likes girl, and she seems to share similar sentiment. The two start hanging out, when she explains that she’s not looking for anything serious and doesn’t want a relationship. He agrees that he’s in the same boat, when the audience knows he is clearly not. Tragedy ensues.

A few years ago, I had a friend who was completely in love with a guy. Let’s call her Carrie; let’s call him Gary. Gary made it clear from the beginning that he wasn’t interested in a full-fledged relationship, but that he was attracted to Carrie. Carrie, in her drunk-off-love-and-lust daze, didn’t care. She assured us all that she was OK with being friends with benefits. Until she suddenly had been seeing him for almost a year and realized he had not given her an ounce of commitment. Heartbroken, she ended it. Within a month, he was back with his ex-girlfriend, to whom he is now engaged.

Throughout my life, I’ve seen this happen numerous times… but until recently, I hadn’t thought of the woman as the “non relationship kind.” I decided to dig a little deeper by conducting a mini-poll of some women I knew. Almost all of them said they’d be in a friends-with-benefits situation, and surprisingly, most of them revealed they’d been on both sides: the non committer and the one helplessly hoping for more.

The point of the story about my friend is that there is a reason someone doesn’t want a relationship. In most cases, he/she is getting over a past relationship or just doesn’t like you (no offense). Unfortunately, the “friends with benefits” thing rarely works out as planned. It seems like a great concept, right? Having amazing sex with a person you don’t have to check in with every day and do nice things for? Yeah, in a perfect world. In the real world, one person develops a strong attachment and the whole thing unravels like a tightly knit sweater.

People tend to say what they know someone wants to hear, hoping that someday they will get what they want. This is how many of these situations begin. But if the person you’re into really likes you, he/she will eventually commit. And it won’t (or shouldn’t) take a year.

In the end, it has nothing to do with gender roles and which sex has the power. True, SEX can hold the power, but it doesn’t matter which sex is controlling the sex. I’ve learned that men and women both have feelings, and both genders are equally capable of feeling enamored or emotionally detached.

Ladies, are you stuck in a friends-with-benefits situation but you really want more? Click here for some tips.

Want to grow old with someone? We all have it in us, but of course, there are rules in the game of love. Click the photo for more tips.

As my inaugural post for Recoveryourlove.com, I feel an introduction is in order. Otherwise, you’re all going to be asking, “Who is this girl and why does she think she knows what she’s talking about?” Well, I can’t say I’m an expert. In fact, I don’t really believe that anyone can be an expert on human relationships because they are so multi-faceted, inherently intricate, and just overall complicated. They vary so much from person to person and group to group. I have, however, been through the heart breaks and heart-breaking, the normal and dysfunctional, and the fun and boring.

Here are some basics that I believe about dating and relationships:

1. I’m all about not wasting your time on someone who doesn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved. Have you read “He’s Just Not That Into You”? It’s almost a cliche by now, but it’s seriously a must-read for the single and coupled-up alike. If he/she’s not committing to you, not marrying you, not sleeping with you, keeps breaking up and getting back together with you, etc., it’s time to move on, or at the very least, for a discussion.

2. A lot of people will tell you that they don’t like games; they just want someone straight-forward. This is only true to a certain extent. Everyone wants what they can’t have or something that they have to work hard for. It’s just human nature, plain and simple. I believe that it is extremely important to be yourself, but you can still be yourself while maintaining a sense of mystery. It’s intriguing. Let that cat chase you a little, mouse.

3. Lack of communication, notably respectful communication, is absolutely the biggest barrier in an otherwise healthy relationship. My friends sometimes come to me with an issue they’re having with their significant other instead of talking to the other person in the relationship. This, more often than not, ends in a big blowout when all those nasty feelings and annoyances they’ve been suppressing finally surface. Everyone is different; respectful communication allows those differences to coexist.

4. Sometimes taking time apart is truly the best and sanest solution. Two of my good friends are in a (rather volatile) relationship. One night, they got in a huge fight, and he was so angry that he punched a bus. Yes, a steel bus. He had to get surgery on his hand and wore a cast for a month. Not exactly the best reminder of a bad night. Despite the evidence that the relationship was literally wounded, they didn’t take time apart to cool down and heal. A few weeks later, they got in another fight. He stormed off, slammed the door behind him, and, not realizing that she was behind him, accidentally slammed her finger in the door. Not surprisingly, she had to get surgery on her hand as well. The moral of this crazy story: Taking time apart allows you to think, forgive and calm down… and results in fewer fight-induced surgeries.

5. Dating and relationships aren’t always the most fun aspect of life. They really suck sometimes. The important thing is to view the whole thing as an adventure. If you’re single, laugh at the bad dates, enjoy meeting new people and trying new things, and cherish your freedom. If you’re in a relationship, learn to let your walls down and accept someone for who he/she is, challenge yourself by finding new ways to keep things fresh and interesting, and appreciate the fact that you have someone by your side who is willing to go through life’s insanity with you.

To dig a little deeper into romance and discover more ways to build a happy relationship, click here.

It's Your Responsibility to Make the Proposal a Memorable Event

I just read an article over at CyberDatingExpert.com asking if readers would consider proposing online.

Apparently, more and more guys are proposing on Facebook and Twitter rather than going a more traditional route.  The argument is that since we spend so much time online, proposing online it not only happening more often but it is actually becoming acceptable.

To all of the guys thinking about proposing, take my advice – DON’T PROPOSE ONLINE!

As the guy, you have a responsibility to make the proposal an event!

Here are two things that you need to consider:

1. Most women have been dreaming about getting an awesome proposal from Mr. Right since childhood…
2. Women are extremely competitive

Going to Point #1 – She’s been dreaming about the proposal forever.  If you really love her, you will make the effort to make the proposal memorable.  She is going to be asked a million times (literally) how it was that you proposed.  It is your job to make sure that she has a great story to tell.

Listening to the proposal stories of women that I know, that shouldn’t be too hard because other guys just are not putting forth any effort.  Here are some examples of bad proposals that I’ve heard of lately:

• In the kitchen on a random night
• Sitting on the couch watching TV
• At the club while “Get Low” by Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz is blaring (I actually witnessed this one)
• In a greeting card (the guy didn’t even have a ring)

It’s not hard to do it right.  Just think about the things that interest her and you should be able to come up with something decent enough that she will tell the story proudly to her friends.  The last thing you want is for her to be embarrassed to tell the story.

Which leads us to Point #2

Women are extremely competitive.  They are constantly trying to one-up one another.  This is also true with the proposal story.  You want to give your soon-to-be fiance a great story that can stand up against the proposals that her friends have received.

Considering the examples given earlier that should not be too hard.

All it takes is a little thought and planning on your part to make the proposal a great event that will make her happy, her parents proud, and her friends jealous.

Need Help With Coming Up with a Great Proposal?

If you are completely stumped on how to go about proposing to your girlfriend, check out The RoMANtic’s Guide to Popping the Question.  The book is written by Micheal Webb, a man who has gained fame worldwide for this romance tips.

In the guide, you will get:

• Inexpensive proposal stories
• Elaborate proposal stories
• Creative proposal stories
• Romantic proposal stories
• Proposals surrounded by friends and family+
• Private and intimate proposals
• Sentimental proposals
• Proposals including your religious faith
• Christmas, Easter, New Years & Halloween proposal ideas
• Proposals in nature
• Proposals by women!
• Proposals that conceal the ring in a unique way
• Proposals involving family and friends
• And much more…

With the guide, you will be able to create an event around your proposal that she will love.  Don’t end up like so many guys who leave their girlfriend-turned-fiance with a bad proposal story, or worse, get told “No” because of it.

Get the The RoMANtic’s Guide to Popping the Question Now to Start Planning the Ultimate Proposal Today!

Dating the Wrong Person Inevitably Leads to Conflict

Over at BaggageReclaim.co.uk, there is an awesome article about the “28 Dodgy Reasons People Give for Choosing a Person for a Relationship“.  It is a great read and I know that a lot of people are going to see their own dating decisions staring back at them.

Finding someone to settle down with generally comes down to character and values.

Yes, you may initially be attracted to a person because of other reasons.  However, the relationships that last are the ones in which both parties embody virtuous character traits and common values.

You’ll notice that I said both parties!

How can you expect to find that Mr/Ms. Right that you’ve always wanted…  The one that is honest, generous, trustworthy, caring, etc. if you do not exhibit those traits yourself?

Birds of a feather flock together.  If you find that you are always dating the wrong type of guy or the women you fall for all turn out to be selfish and shallow, you need to take a hard look in the mirror.  The common denominator in all of those bad relationships is you.  Break the pattern!  Stop going for people based on the 28 reasons in the article and start going for the ones that have true character.  Spend some serious time soul searching and work on fixing the parts of your own character that are weak.

Do that, and you will find that your love life will see a drastic improvement!

You Don't Have to End Up with Mr. Wrong!

Mr. Wrong is out there looking to score.  Here are 7 ways that you can make sure to have another disastrous relationship with him!

1.  Dating the Same Guy in a Different Body

Whether you realize it or not, Mr. Wrong wears many disguises.  In fact, the last 5 guys you’ve dated may have actually been Mr. Wrong in a different costume.

Take an honest look at your dating patterns.  Where are you meeting men?  What are their interests?  What are their personality and character traits?

See, while Mr. Wrong may wear different disguises, his behavior is always the same.  Find the pattern in your dating that has lead you to Mr. Wrong and break the pattern.

2.  Thinking You Can Change Him

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “Mr. Wrong would be Mr. Right if I could just get him to change X.”

Why spend the time, effort, and heartache trying to make Mr. Wrong into Mr. Right?  The things that make him Mr. Wrong are ingrained in his DNA.  He couldn’t change if he wanted to…

…And Mr. Wrong doesn’t want to change.

No matter how much self-confidence (or hubris) you have; no matter how strong your personality may be; no matter how sweet and loving you are, please remember that you can’t change Mr. Wrong.

Instead, spend that energy looking for Mr. Right.

Oh, keep in mind that Mr. Right isn’t perfect.  He is going to have a couple of flaws.  They aren’t anything major, just a few things that may get under your skin.  Don’t make the mistake of confusing pet peeves from Mr. Right for the degenerate Mr. Wrong.

3.  Thinking He Will Be Different With You

I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve received email from women who started dating a cheater (knowing that he was a cheater) only to be surprised when he cheated on them, too.

Can a man change?  Yes.

He can decide that he’s ready to settle down.

He can decide that he is ready for a real and serious relationship.

He can decide that he’s had enough of being a “player”.

However, don’t let yourself believe that he has made those decisions just because he is dating you.

You need to look at his actions rather than listening to his words.

If you know that he’s cheated on his last girlfriend(s), steer clear.  You will be no different than those other women.

Also, keep in mind that a cheater and a player are not the same.  A guy that could be considered a player likes to date a lot of women but does not commit to any of them.  In that light, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is untrustworthy.  There is nothing wrong with dating a lot of people as long as you are up front about it and you’re not in a committed relationship.

A cheater is different.

A cheater is a liar who has made a commitment but has shattered that trust.

A player can change, a cheater will not.  Don’t date cheaters!

4.  Lowering Your Standards On the Wrong Qualities

Honesty, integrity, selflessness, mentally stability – the list goes on and on for the qualities that Mr. Wrong lacks.  Yet, he always seems to end up with the girl at the end.

Don’t be her!

You should have a set of character traits that define who Mr. Right is; traits that should never be compromised for the sake of having a boyfriend.  If you see that a guy lacks those traits, it’s time to move on.

5.  Having Your Standards Too High on the Wrong Qualities

This is an area that will probably create some hate email.  You can be sure that you’ll miss out on Mr. Right and bag Mr. Wrong if you put too much emphasis on superficial qualities when determining who to date.  That’s not to say that the good looking guy and Mr. Right are mutually exclusive!

However, I’ve met plenty of women who refuse to date a guy if he doesn’t look a certain way and, subsequently, have missed out on men that would have been a perfect fit for them otherwise.  At the same time, they jump on the relationship train with Mr. Wrong because he is tall and has awesome dimples.

6.  Ignore the Red Flags

“Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.”

There will ALWAYS be red flags when you’re with Mr. Wrong.  It might be a lie here or an insult there, but there are always signs.  Mr. Wrong is cunning and you shouldn’t feel bad about getting caught in his trap.  However, you should feel bad if you decide to stay there.

Once you start seeing the warning signs, you should dump Mr. Wrong without remorse.

Oh, and don’t let him come back…

7.  Be Afraid to Be Alone

Being alone doesn’t mean that you have to be lonely.  I’ve met tons of women both through personal interactions and through this website that are so afraid to be alone that they, instead, choose to be in bad relationships with Mr. Wrong.  I’ve even known grown women who have not gone longer than 3 months without a boyfriend since their high school days!

The reality is that for most people, having a healthy, loving relationship will only come after they have become secure in who they are as a person.  It’s nearly impossible to grow and reach that level of personal security when you feel you have to be in a relationship at all times.

Mr. Wrong is a master a preying upon women’s insecurities.  The best way to keep him away (and attract Mr. Right) is to spend time focused on developing your self-confidence and independence.

Ironically, it is only after losing your fear of being alone that you will find Mr. Right and the relationship that you have always wanted.

Discover the Secret to Building a Happy, Loving Relationship with Mr. Right!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uA02aK30Vg

You Can Get Your Copy of The Women Men Adore Here!

Advice on Improving Your Relationship

So whether you are just at the start of your relationship or have been in one for many years, it still holds true that you should remain flexible and be able to adapt to changes that are sure to happen in the relationship.

Love Relationship Advice from the Experts on Self-Improvement
In her book “Love’s Secret: Live Your Life in Love,” one of the things Annie Lawrence advises is for you to trust yourself. Let’s face it: we all experience episodes of self-doubt, something that is normal. But if it is allowed to develop or go on for prolonged periods of time, that self-doubt will negatively affect your ability to trust and believe in yourself. And if you don’t trust or believe in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
Similar principles are discussed in the book “Undefended Love,” by Marlena S. Lyons and Jett Psaris. What you need to do, according to them, is to let go of your ego so that the real you can come out. Doing this lets you become more intimate with yourself and with others, something that is of primary importance in love relationships.

Love Relationship Advice for the Newly Single
If you have just broken up with your significant other, you will find that there is also plenty of love relationship advice out there, whether you are wishing to get your ex back or wanting to get over the relationship completely.

If your desire is to reconcile with your ex, you should learn some of the common mistakes people commit, such as calling him or her every so often to beg your ex to take you back. Such actions will usually serve to just push the other person away even further. Instead, relationship experts such as John Alexander recommend you do things that are centered on you: including getting in shape, getting a new hobby, etc. Prioritize self-improvement, since it is a powerful tool for getting your ex back.

On the other hand, if what you want is to completely get over the relationship, then some love relationship advice from Susan J. Elliott in her book “Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss Into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You” might be just what you need. In the book, she shares tips on how to mend your heart, develop a stronger sense of self, and accept that you deserve something — or someone — better in life.

So whether you are in a relationship, want out of one, or want to re-enter one, remember that you need to truly love and accept yourself. No piece of love relationship advice out there will help you if you neglect to do this.

By Bobby Rio